At the beginning of last summer, my 6-year-old son Robbie would beg to go to the neighborhood pool. Once we got there, he would go straight to the stairs that led into the water and park himself there until it was time to leave. If I tried to take him off the stairs further out into the water, he would panic, scream, and cling to the handrail. He was afraid. I knew how much fun he would have swimming with the other kids, but his fear was seemingly insurmountable. With some gentle support — and, ok, a little forceful prodding, by the end of the summer those tearful protests were a distant memory.
If I am being honest (with you and with myself), that sense of fear felt by my little boy is something I can relate to when it comes to my health and fitness journey. Whenever I decide that “today is the day that I’m starting my diet/exercise program/fill-in-the-blank with your own declaration,” among the determination and excitement I might feel, fear also creeps in. Maybe you feel it when you think ahead to those dreaded New Year’s resolutions?
I don’t think it’s any accident that when I declare to myself that I am going to lose 20 pounds, within a day — sometimes a few hours — I’m sneaking a cookie or ordering a #4 with no onions and a large Diet Coke. I’m afraid.
That’s a bit of what I’m feeling now, as I’m starting a journey as one of five challengers in the Indianapolis American Heart Association’s Go Red Better U challenge. In my head, I know this is an amazing opportunity. Cardiologist, dietitian, personal trainer, coach all in line to help me realize a heart healthy makeover. But that heart is scared.
I’m afraid of failing. What if all these people are here to help me and I still don’t make it?
On my personal blog, I recently wrote that I’m afraid of not doing well enough to inspire an audience of 600 people at the February luncheon.
And, oddly, I’m a little afraid of succeeding. I’ve known this imperfect me — the one who uses ice cream as therapy and who has perfected poking fun at my Pillsbury-dough-boy-shaped self — for so long that I’m afraid I might be lost without her.
But then I think about how much fun I knew Robbie was going to have swimming with all the other kids. And I think about all those things I want to do, but can’t (or don’t) because of the limitations placed by weight and/or health. Things like rock climbing with my son at Climb Time, like walking into any store (not just the plus-size shops) and being able to buy clothes, like getting up and going to work without having to down a handful of medications first.
Just like Robbie discovered, I know that once I quit clinging to my fears, I’ll find out that the water on the other side is more than just fine.
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Hi Amy:
You can so do this! One of the key things Robbie had was a mom who was supportive and patient who knew that he could get off of those stairs.You have the support of the FitCity crew and a host of friends and family. Keep us posted on your progress!
This post just called for me. I read it and nodded and nodded as I read. I don’t know what I’m afraid of… maybe it’s what you said about being so comfortable in this out of shape body that I’m afraid of what I’d be like in a thinner, in shape, healthy body. I’m afraid to figure out my motivation, I’m afraid to leave behind the yummy goodness of the foods unhealthy for me. You’ve given me a lot to think about!
Amy, I am so stinkin jealous that you have this opportunity–the support and motivation are there for you to grab ahold of and hang on! You will do great!